Balancing School Leadership & Parenthood: Insights from Leaders With Kids
Being a school leader is a demanding and rewarding role in itself, but when you add parenting young children to the mix, the challenges and joys of life reach new heights.
As we approach the holidays, and the pressure to perform both at work and at home increases, we reached out to some of our talented and humble school leaders for advice.
These leaders, like many of you, have faced the unique ups and downs that come with being both educators and parents. Their wisdom (although no one wanted to take credit for it) can offer valuable guidance and inspiration for all school leaders, especially those about to become parents for the first time.
Kayleigh Colombero
Superintendent of Étoile Academy Charter School
If you spend 60 seconds with Kayleigh, you can’t help but recognize her relentless drive and work ethic. So when she says to “give yourself grace,” take it to heart! As she reflects on how parenthood has changed her, she says,
“Personally, it has definitely made me softer and kinder with myself. I am more forgiving of my mistakes and feel much less anxious about getting everything done…now that it is truly impossible!”
She notices a shift professionally as well.
“Parenthood has significantly improved my prioritization and delegation (mostly out of necessity). I used to be the leader that did everything for everyone. Now, I work to be a leader that empowers others to do the work. I work hard to develop and support my direct reports so that they can truly own their workstreams. Maternity leave was also helpful for this since it forces staff to make progress without relying on you too heavily.”
Kayleigh shows that being a school leader does not come without sacrifice. She uses a small portion of her weekend to set herself up for successful work weeks.
“I do prioritize paying for a babysitter on Saturdays (just four hours) to help me reset, look ahead at the week, and complete outstanding work tasks.”
On advice to first-time parents, she says,
“Give yourself grace, reach out to your systems of support, and really decide what is the work that ONLY you can do. That is the work you will prioritize. Everything else likely needs to be done by someone else. Also, I hope you have people you can text message or call when you have a frustrating day. Three other school leaders have truly gotten me through some of my toughest days.”
James Mosley
Superintendent of Yellowstone Schools
If you're expecting a child, James has crucial advice on parental leave to help you start on the right foot.
“For first-time dads, take the time you need off when your child is born. I did not do this with my first child; I returned to work quickly. I changed this approach with my other kids and took the time I needed. One thing I learned from taking the time was that I truly needed that time to connect with my wife and kids; secondly, my staff needed me to take that time. I was a better leader as a result of taking time off to refresh and then stepping back into the work.”
And once you’re back to work, he’s got some great advice to keep you and your spouse on the same page.
“I would also say keep your spouse up to date on your commitments. There will be some things that will pull you to work later, so make sure you are constantly communicating when changes arise.”
The last big lesson James shares is to learn to prioritize your schedule.
“Learn to say no. Leave work at work. One way to do this is by getting an assistant aligned to managing your time and calendar in a way that supports not working from home. Once I learned that the work will always be there, I could get the most out of my day by simply prioritizing what matters most.”
Daniela Rubio
Chief Community Officer at Austin Achieve Public Schools
Daniela’s perspective as a leader shifted drastically after becoming a parent.
"I always strive to give 100% of myself to both my family and my job, but I have clear boundaries in place. Since becoming a parent, I have prioritized my time at home as being solely for my family and not for work-related tasks. Although there is always work to be done in education, it should not be done at the expense of your personal life. Having children has given me a new perspective, and I now realize that working all the time and sacrificing my well-being is not worth it and it does not make me a better leader. I am a better leader when I am happy, and my family is a source of happiness for me.”
When asked to advise a new or expecting parent, Daniela says,
“Take it one day at a time and never forget that each stage you are going through with your kid, no matter how stressful, is temporary. Everything is temporary.”
Rosalind DaCruz
Founder and Superintendent of RISE Prep Mayoral Academy
Rosalind has spent a lot of time figuring out what work/life balance means for her. She has an outline for what a successful and realistic workday and weekend can look like for her.
”I have learned to look at "balance" as evolving and changing both as our school grows and expands, and my family grows. As my kids' needs, ages, and dependence change, it always calls for a rebalancing of work and home. I used to be in an eternal pendulum swing where I would feel great about my parenting, and like I was dropping the ball at work. Or excelling at work and being productive but feeling less present at home. Here are the simple things I try to figure out to feel the best I can at both, and what I turn to when I feel off balance:
What does the morning look like? If I can start my family off on the right note: positive, happy, warm, calm it will likely also make my work day start that way. This looks like extra time on the front end, making sure our morning space is clean, organized, prepped, lunches made, and clothes out. That gives me time to be with the kids and enjoy that time together instead of feeling frazzled and then arriving at work wishing I could redo the morning.
What does after work/school until bedtime look like? I have not yet mastered how to not check my phone or emails for conversations/wrap-ups from the day. I don't know if I ever will. But what I have undoubtedly realized is that every time I try to juggle parenting and work, I become impatient with my children, get frustrated more easily, and set unrealistic expectations for them. They have been without me for 8-9 hours and are simply seeking to connect. Our school communication hours are until 7 PM, but I have made sure to respond during a time that works for my family. Typically, I have an intensive 10-minute window from 5-7:30 PM to reply to any messages. During this time, my responses may sound like this: “I'm glad you brought this to my attention. Let me look into it and get back to you first thing in the morning“. "When I feel like families or teams need to know and understand my family boundaries more, I usually respond by saying "I definitely want to discuss this in more detail, but right now I'm getting my kids ready for bed. Let me give you a call tomorrow morning." If needed, I get back on my computer after putting the kids down, but I try to remind myself that it's better to rest and reset.
During the weekends, I make an effort to fully devote my time to my kids, while also setting aside some alone time that is solely focused on maintaining my personal balance. This allows me to bring my best self into both my home and work environments. If necessary, I will save work-related tasks for after my children have gone to bed, but I believe that taking the time to rest and reset is essential for me, my family, and our team during the weekends.”
Brittney Jean-Louis
Deputy Superintendent of Étoile Academy Charter School
Brittney has some incredible advice for first-time parents about building a community.
“Being a parent for the first time is a HUGE transition. The best piece of advice that I can give is to give yourself lots of grace -- parenting is hard, especially while managing a demanding job that you are passionate about. You will figure it out, but it will likely take several months to feel like you have a rhythm. I'd also recommend nurturing close relationships with family and friends who can support you during the postpartum period. Raising children while working a demanding job takes a village.”
Mackee Mason
Chief Academic Officer at Austin Achieve Public Schools
We asked Mackee if his perspective as an educator has changed since becoming a parent. His response is encouraging for ALL educators.
“Initially, the perception that not having children was a drawback used to trouble me. However, I've since adopted a more objective viewpoint, recognizing that this isn't a shortcoming. Many educators, myself included, pour our hearts into our work, treating our students with the same passion, empathy, and dedication as if they were our own children. While it's true that having children can deepen these qualities by making the stakes more personal, it doesn't diminish the commitment of those without kids. In fact, my drive for educational equality is deeply personal, fueled by my love and hopes for my nieces, nephews, and the children of close friends. The idea of having my own children adds an additional layer of perspective, but it doesn't define my capacity to contribute meaningfully to education.”
Mackee also shares some skills leaders can borrow from the education field into parenting.
“The tools that make you a successful educator and school leader are applicable to parenthood. Once we knew we were expecting, I started to backwards plan everything to not miss a step. For example, I heard a lot about sleep deprivation, so I started sleep training myself. I also knew bath time and bedtime were going to be a set time every day, so I spent time with my wife instead of working during that time. Now, that might be a bit much for some, but it has eased the transition in those two areas.”
Remember, you are not alone.
In conclusion, we thank these brave school leaders for opening up and giving us a look into their personal lives as parents! Their insights, from setting boundaries and giving yourself grace to the transformative power of becoming a parent, offer valuable lessons for all school leaders. The journey may be challenging, but with the right mindset and support system, it is undoubtedly a rewarding one. Remember, you are not alone in this, and the lessons learned along the way will shape you into an even more compassionate, dedicated, and effective school leader.
